I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
