Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
