I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
