My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
