sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
