Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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