so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
