Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
