Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
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