dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize