HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are we still banned from the library?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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