After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
