You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We had sex on a dog bed..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
