me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
