M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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