WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
