Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
