i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
