Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
