dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
