Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
