Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
