apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
