they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
