Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
