Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Randomize
