i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
