Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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