i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
