I want to walk on stilts...naked
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize