Ambien. No doubt about it.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
