Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
