Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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