I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
