if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
