Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
