your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
