so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize