I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I cockslap morals
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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