man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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