so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
