if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
