Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
