Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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