i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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