my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
