why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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