The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
