All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
