the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
