I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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