my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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