Soap is not a condiment
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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