I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
