This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
