I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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