i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
