my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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