so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
zippers are such a cool invention
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
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