good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Let's get the cat blown out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
