You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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