that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
