I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
