Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
