Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
