I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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