Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
