Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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