There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
