The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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