we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
