i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
