hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
