make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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