i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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