I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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