i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize