I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
