dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
