He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
