is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
