if you like me you must not know who I am
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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