I smell stomach acid.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
