i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
