I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
