i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
