just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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