i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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