shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
