Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
