Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
