By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
