Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
jump out the window naked night went bad
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