took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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