I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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