sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
